_______` Raindrops

Last post.

2006-11-05T12:31:00.000+08:00

This blog.
Indeed, a lot of memories are written down.
About her.
This chapter of her, has closed.
A chapter, worth of 183 posts.
2 other posts, for a useless person, whom I shouldn't have written for.
But well.
http://love-chapter.blogspot.com would be my new address.
New chapter, new life. =)
Thanks for all, who have been supporting this blog, some, reading post by post.
Really grateful to you guys.

Sigh

2006-10-28T11:04:00.000+08:00

Today.
Well.
Went to your house etc.
And yes, I was shocked.

My present may not cost more than his.
My present may not look nicer than his.
But it sure has took me long time.
I don't know whether have you kept it or what.
But well, it would be nice of you to keep it displayed somewhere very visible in your room.

Look, at that point of time, I really wanted to confessed to you.
But I know, it would never be possible.
My plan, was to see which class we are admitted, before asking you.
And now, the plan moves the same.

I would say, I need you in my life.
I may be lame.
I may be not attractive.
But I am confident, I can be much more loving than others.

The whole night.
I was depressed.
Because,
I knew I would never go the same class as you.
I knew that you would never ever be with me.

6 November. I hope it'll turn out well.

Confession

2006-10-03T22:07:00.000+08:00

It was then the day my mood swings again.
I felt like letting everything out.
I did.
To you.
I wondered if I had shocked you.

If I don't go to the same class as you.
Well, I guess I'll be appealing.
I just want to go to the same class as you.
I don't know what to do.
Your every small little thing captures my attention.
Your smile, your everything.

Do I stand another chance?
Or is it the past?
If it is, I'm so sorry about the past.

I have been trying my best, to build a strong, firm relationship, between us.
But why, sometimes I feel, you find me frustrating.
And every negative point that I can think of.
I don't know.
Am I a nuisance to you?
I hope you would tell me how you feel towards me.

Would we be together? In the near future.
It would be a gift from heaven if we are together.
I still have doubts to that topic still.
Sigh.

I hoped I lived in your world.

Would you bother about my care and concern?

Attention.

2006-09-25T21:45:00.000+08:00

Yes, it's been long since I blogged.
Well, our Bowen NCC has won something.
5th in Route C for points.
4th in Central for points and timing.
3rd in Central for points, tied with Peirce.
1st in Central for Route C.
11th for timing in Route C.

I wondered if it was you, who has made us win.
All these days, months, years.
I have never given up hope on you.
I hope that some day, I will win your heart.
I'll try my utmost best.
With your encouragement, I can do things better.
That's how I feel.

Maybe after this year, we won't see each other again.
Well, it all depends on how much I get and you get.

It was the day when we had to hand in the option form.
I was stunned, you too, were almost frustrated about your options.
I waited and waited, just to wait for your option.
One mistake, poof, we are separated.
I cannot leave you.
Because you are the one who gave my life colours.
And as a reminder to myself, you are the success to my achievements.

Maybe some of you might think I'm silly.
I can probably, don't care about my studies, whichever class I go.
I just want to go the same class as you, study the same subjects as you.
And start everything all over again, shall we?

These few days were great. Many thanks to you, these few days I feel much lighter.
I love you. =)

Confused.

2006-08-31T16:27:00.000+08:00

I really am too confused.
Sometimes I really wonder if it was me.
But my intuition tells me otherwise.
I may not be perfect,
but I am willing to change for you.

Sometimes I just feel like holding your hand and never letting it go.

On that day, you were with us, but your heart was with him.

Jealousy, is what is inside me.
this despicable quality makes me evil.
Even at times, I want to split the both of you.
At that point of time, I am sad.
But soon after, I am elated.
Elated because you have such a nice guy to love you,
care for you,
and many more qualities.
Unlike me.
You just don't like me.
You just don't.
Everytime you wanted me to help you to do something, I try my best to do it.

At times I felt like giving up,
I think of you.
I want to persevere,
to achieve,
to make you proud,
that I can do it too.

I want to prove to you, I can make you feel happy too.

I hereby promise to myself, I will try my best to be happy at all times.
This promise, is just for you.
I shall not be sad in front of everybody.
I don't want everyone to pity me and then, slowly fade in their memories.
I SHALL NOT.
I want to be happy, so that I can have a slight chance of you liking me.
But, I doubt that will ever happen.

Hiatus.

2006-08-14T16:30:00.000+08:00

It's been a long hiatus since I have last blogged.
Many things happened.
Well, I guess we talked more.
As I said, I rather have you in my later part of my life.
Because I know if we were to be together now, I will still lose you.
I rather wait than lose you.
I can't lose you.
In the past, there was a girl whom I liked before.
After reflecting, she was only someone for me to fill up the empty space in my heart.
Sometimes I really is in a higgledy-piggledy.

I really don't know how to express my feelings for you.
I have expressed some of it into something I gave you.
You should approximately have about 9 different kinds of it.
I really hoped you have loved it.
I even hope you ask for more.

At times, I'm jealous at my friend.
I know, he deserves more than I do.
He deserves more comment.
He is such a great great friend.
Whereas, I'm only a great friend.
Most times, when I thought of this, I tend to think that you love him.
I always take it that he really deserves that comment than I do.

I just want you to know that, I really do love you.

Rotting.

2006-05-11T22:21:00.000+08:00

Every single day, I see you with laughter.
It is just so nice.
I give you some stuff almost every single day.
Just to make you happy.
Just to make your life better.
----------------------------------------
I'm sorry.
I am sorry because I made you angry.
I am sorry because I made you disappointed.
I am sorry because I love you.
I made you disappointed so many times.
So many times that you cannot believe me anymore.
I lied to you many times till you couldn't take it.
----------------------------------------
I felt like giving everything up.
I want to rot.
I feel like giving up everything.
All I could think everyday is you.
You, your laughter and your graceful smile.

Sad.

2006-04-29T17:51:00.000+08:00

I know I can't do anything to recover the past.
I suck.
I'm such a big failure.
And I know, I am a huge hypocrite too.
No one can deny.
----------------------------------------
You were silent,
I was frustrated.
You were vulnerable to anguish,
I hurt you fathomlessly.
----------------------------------------
Black is the absence of light,
Light indicates the presence of hope.
I, the absense in your eyes,
You, the presence of my paradise.

Screwed up

2006-04-19T17:20:00.000+08:00

I've got everything screwed up.
I can't get the courage to talked to you.
I made my friend's character died in a game.
I wanted to make friends with a girl, just friends, and I was scolded by her.
What in the world is happening.
I've lost you.
I have no friends.
I'm lost.
Please, anyone, help me get on track.
I just need someone.
I've got scolded from my parents just because I didn't clean up my room.
Why.
Why me.
This world, can it end now?
All I need is some attention and some care.
That's all.
Can't anyone help me?
Can someone in this world just read this post?
Just this post.

Friends.
Is what we can't be?
I can't talk to you.
You won't talk to me.
Can this world tumble down.
Right now.
I haven't been as depressed as today.

Just leave me to rot.
Everyone, just leave me to die.

I am such a failure.
A big failure.
I can't success in anything.
Soccer, guitar, music, friendship and studies.
I will never success.
I am useless.

Terrible.

2006-04-01T21:40:00.001+08:00

The new one goes, the old one returns.
I just couldn't let you go.
There, was one of my best friend, who was also so obsessed with you.
I suddenly felt so depressed.
So very depressed.
----------------------------------------
Reminisce for you wakes again,
as delusion tells me to stop.
Trammel of him and you is me,
my departure is the berceuse to you.
----------------------------------------
When are you going to visit this place?
This place full of darkness.
Every lesson, I look at you.
Full of smiles.

You know, I really want to SMS you.
But I couldn't.
I was afraid you would ignore me again.
I really wanted you to know, that I really love you.

Your guy.

2006-02-14T18:14:00.000+08:00

Valentines' Day was a total qualm.
Though I was happy to you at first,
the elation stopped.
Your guy came vaingloriously.
He talked to you awhile.
I liked the way you look at me.
After talking his crap, you walked away, together with him.
Does anyone knows how FREAKING DEPRESSED I AM?
He just simply took you away.
I couldn't see you anymore.
Abruptly, my world, came crashing down, with darkness.
WHY?!
Why was there always someone to stand before me when I like a girl.
What's more, he took you away.
When will my depression come to an end?
I just hope a brand new life full of euphoria, with you in my life.

You.

2006-02-10T22:22:00.000+08:00

You talked to your favourite guy.
Where was I?
In NCC.
What could I do but to stand there and stare where were you going?
I just wished I had the chance to get love from you.
Valentine's Day is coming.
Will something happen?
I know, I am the obstacle between the both of you.
But can't you at least give praises?
I'm a so desperate guy now.
You got all you have.
Have you thought of others?
Nothing is forever.
Will you and I ever compromise?
I know, his studies are better than mine.
His so-called humourous jokes are funny.
What about mine?
Has anyone ever notice my good points?
Never.
Will someone explore into me?

Poems.

2006-02-08T18:10:00.000+08:00

Maybe, I have gotten over you.
I don't even know myself.
I'm having feelings for another.
----------------------------------------
So, these poems are dedicated to you.
Comments please.
----------------------------------------
A touch of jealousy,
fused with a pinch of love.
The trust slowly fades away,
was that a goodbye?
----------------------------------------
Silence from your mouth,
depressed in my heart.
Movement of your fingers,
it counts my elation.

Maybe last post.

2005-11-07T22:00:00.000+08:00

Since no one visits this blog, especially you.
I will hereby announce that I will not post anymore.
Perharps less often.
Should there be a continuation, I will keep posting.
Thank you, to the people who has visited my blog.
Although you have only visited my blog once or twice, I would still say thank you to you because all these while, you have given me power, almost everything, to go on with my life.
Last but not least, I love you.

Homework.

2005-11-05T21:52:00.000+08:00

Homework.
Will be done tomorrow.
I really want to finish it by tomorrow.
However, there will be some time of games in the morning.
----------------------------------------------------
Really, I still cannot forget you.
Every night I think of you.
Never stopping.
But what was the reason behind it?

I miss you.
And I love you.
I would love just another SMS.
Just one more.
And I'm satisfied.
Almost satisfied.

There are many wishes unfulfilled.
And all those wishes, cannot be completed without you.
Because it needs you.
The wishes needs you.
I need you.
They are just the need to help the efficiency of my world.

Please, help me.
My dear love.

All I have to do is dream.

2005-11-04T22:04:00.000+08:00

All I have to do is dream.
Dreaming about you is all I have done so far since the start of the holidays.
Dream, dream, dream.
----------------------------------------------------
What do I have to do to make you love me?
Although it has been one week, I still cannot forget your smile.
Sometimes, I really feel like breaking down.
Or rather giving up everything.
I just feel so lethargic.

I just don't know what to do to make you happier.
To make you feel more loved.
I just cannot do it.
Why?
Why am I stupid?

I just cannot do anything right.
Without you, I just don't feel like fighting at all.

I recalled the time when I lied to you.
You were just so angry.
Maybe you were experiencing mood swings.
Well, that's typical girls.

I just hope when we are back again, I will make you happier than before.
However, the chances of us getting back are so slim.

Homework.

2005-11-03T21:51:00.000+08:00

Homework.
I can't even start.
I swear I am going to start on Sunday.
Tomorrow.
----------------------------------------------------
Why didn't I start my homework?
Because all I could think is the game you were always playing.
So that I could catch up with you.
And play together with you and your friends.
I just wish I can finish all my homework by this weekend.

Can I?
I hope so.
As long I can finish this homework, I can have more time to think of you.
Practice my guitar.
So that I may have a chance to perform one day for you.

You, you, you.
My whole mind is just filled with you.
Just you alone.
Of course, with your perfect smile.
A very magnificent one.
Which never stops radiating happiness around with it.

Boring.

2005-11-02T19:30:00.000+08:00

Today was just so boring.
I didn't even do any homework.
I can't even be bothered.
----------------------------------------------------
All I could think is you.
You were playing that lame game.

What I could think was to see you.
In your real face.
Not in the game.
But it's alright, at least I get to hear your language of speaking.

Do I feel happy?
Not really.
There was homework.
I didn't even bothered to do.
Did you do your homework?
I guess so.
You were those type of people who always finish their homework first.
And play last.

Will I ever have that attitude of yours?
No.

You know, I really wished that you know.
That I really still love you a lot.
Even other people can phone you.
Why can't I do it with courage?

Never stop flowing.

2005-11-01T19:31:00.000+08:00

You know, memories never stop flowing.
Like my old friends.
My current friends.
My best friends.
----------------------------------------------------
And of course you.
In the lame game, I added you as buddies.
You keep making question marks.
I just took it you didn't understand me well.
Or were you acting?

I don't think so.
In the game, you told someone to call you.
In the past, did anyone actually called you every night?
Yes.
That was me.

And did I impacted you with a special feeling?
Yes.
That was love.
From me directly to your heart.

As you said, nobody is perfect.
Learn to forgive others.
Will you forgive me?

Never forget.

2005-10-31T22:07:00.000+08:00

There are many things I cannot forget.
My school.
Friends.
Someone special.
----------------------------------------------------
Which is you.
You were the most special one in my life.
And I will never forget.
You were the one, who gave me the most happiness.
In my whole life.
You made my life the brightest.

In the office, I stay all day.
All I could think is you.
The moments I wanted to approach you.
But without the courage.

Why am I such a failure?
Because without you, nothing much is achievable.
You know, with you around, many things I achieved, are with pride and dignity.
Because I achieved it for you.
And if I had anything I had achieved without you.
It means that you are in my mind all the time.

And I would love you will see my achievements.
But sadly, I know you wouldn't.

Half and half.

2005-10-30T20:33:00.000+08:00

Half sad.
Half happy.
I just cannot forget.
----------------------------------------------------
I just cannot forget what happened yesterday.
I even smiled to myself before I slept.
I cannot forget your facial expressions when I called out your name during the last day of school.

You are just way cute.
And beautiful.
I just miss you so much.
School days are way better than holidays.
Because I can see you.

Will we be together?
I really wish so.
Will I get to play street soccer with you around?
Maybe.

I really cannot forget those messages.
I sent you a message on your birthday.
Hoping you will reply.
But no.
You didn't.
As I expected.

I just hope to see your one last message.

Happy.

2005-10-29T23:59:00.000+08:00

I was out the whole day.
I was thinking and thinking.
I went to the beach.
----------------------------------------------------
And thought about you.
I saw a couple, kissing each other.
Will they be us, in the near future?
How could that be?

Who would want me?
I think no one.
Do you want me?
No.

You know, I kept wondering what will your day be for today.
Happy?
But for me, I was totally happy.

I was playing that online game.
My friend suddenly told me that you thanked me for the present.
I was more than elated.
I even wanted to fly to the moon straight away.
With you.

I just hoped you really liked the present and never throw it away.

Last day.

2005-10-28T21:25:00.000+08:00

I feel like the end of the year.
I cannot see certain people for 2 months.
----------------------------------------------------
I cannot see you for 2 months.
That's just so sad.
I mustered all my courage to approach you.
But you just walked away.

My whole heart sank.
I told someone to passed to you.
She told me that you didn't seem like receiving.
But in the end, you did accept it.
My whole heart became happier.

When it was time to get report books, I was looking out for you.
Trying to do a lip read on how much you've got.
Within minutes, it was my turn.
I just slipped to one corner and peeped at my marks.

I released a sense of happiness through my mouth.
It was you, who helped me got this results.
You know, I wonder what will be like tomorrow.
I just want to say, 'I love you'.

Although you might not see this, but I really hope you can feel it deep down in your heart.

Tomorrow.

2005-10-27T21:01:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow.
Will be the last day of school.
----------------------------------------------------
I ain't going to see you for two months.
The day after tomorrow is your birthday.
Although I have a fear of giving you the present, I know I must do it.
You were important.
I told you in the past I might not give you a present.
But no.

Now I'm giving you a present tomorrow.
What will happen tomorrow?
Will I have the courage to speak to you?
I guess I have.

Many things will be happening tomorrow.
I will, give you.
I can assure you that.
I was actually dreaming of bringing the guitar again, playing the birthday song for you.

But I am such a failure.
I cannot even do a beautiful song for such occasion.
How stupid I can go more.

Tomorrow, the day which we will be getting out report cards.
Which means the end of the day for me.
But you, will you be still shining in my dark world?

I love you.

2005-10-26T21:32:00.000+08:00

Today went disarray.
Everything went haywire.
I didn't even scored a proper goal.
----------------------------------------------------
There was the Student Dialogue Session.
I had to attend this funny session which I didn't really wanted to.
But I had to.
I had lost 2 hours of my guitar lesson.

When I was too afraid to approach the teacher, I thought of you.
You were the one who gave me the courage to approach the teacher.
I hope there is just one day, we have this camp.
And I was the one playing guitar for you.

But of course, these will never happen.
These are just dreams.
And to me, dreams don't even come true.
They are just an illusion or probably a hallucination.
But to me, you were reality.

In the night sky,
You were the most brightly lit star in the whole piece of darkness.
You were the one, who followed through me with all the weals and woes through life.
But why, out of a sudden, started to stop shining?
Out of the blue, everything changed.

6 goals.

2005-10-25T19:59:00.000+08:00

Today was just so fun.
Wild.
Happy.
----------------------------------------------------
I was playing street soccer with my friends at the street soccer court.
When we were walking to it, you were also walking to the playground near it.
Although I don't know what happened between you and the rest, I just knew myself looking at you.
For you, I scored 6 goals.
I was the Man of the Match.

How did I achieve that?
It was you.
The motivation.
Motivated me all along the way.
I kept thinking, I must put up a good show for you.

Tomorrow, being the Art Appreciation Day, I will be bringing my guitar.
I am also the extra one, in the school's guitar lesson.
If I have the time, I might even have time to show off.
I just wished, you are so impressed, that you are happy for me.

Yesterday, when I heard you got full marks for Math's Paper 2.
My whole heart sank.
After my friend told me something, I felt that, I should be happy.
Because it was you who scored the best.
Not some other hypocrites.
I don't know whether I will stay in the top 10.
I just know I love you.

Cover blown.

2005-10-24T20:42:00.000+08:00

Everything's gone.
Almost everything.
I am left with almost nothing.
----------------------------------------------------
You love.
Everything.

Now that my cover is blown about the game, I don't know what to do.
Will you add me as your friend?
What will happen next?

It's all just so frustrating.
Everything seems to be in a blurred vision.
But not you.
You were so clear to me.

During the lesson of choosing the category for Art Appreciation Day, everything was mixed up.
I really hoped that you would go as the same course with me.
But no.
You chose music instead of guitar.
Anyway, I had to solve my problems tomorrow.

I just hope all the problems will go away forever.
All I wish is just to be with you.
Is it so difficult?

6 more days.

2005-10-23T20:08:00.000+08:00

Exams are finally over.
There is something more important coming up.
It's this Saturday.
It is a big day.
Just 6 more days to it.
----------------------------------------------------
What will happen if I give you the present?
Will you smile?
What will really happen?
I really wish you will be happy after receiving it.

On the last day of school.
I will give it to you.
Please let me take a few more glances.
Lest if I don't have any chances.

I hope you don't throw it away.
It's priceless.
Although it is not done by me, it's precious.
It cannot be bought anywhere.
Because of the love inside, right from the bottom of my heart.

What will happen during the holidays?
What will happen tomorrow?
Will it end happily in the end of the week?
Or it will end sad.
I just want it to be ended with a smile right from you.

Blog.

2005-10-22T20:05:00.000+08:00

Why did I started this blog?
Why?
----------------------------------------------------
Because of you.
I really wanted to vent everything out on here.
So that one day you may notice it.
But no.
You will never.
In the past, you did.
For once or twice.
But not everytime.

The gap between us.
It's bigger and bigger.
It keeps on opening.
We never reach each other.
Never.

Just 1 more week.
I won't see you for 2 months.
That will make me so sad.
Very very sad.
I won't get to see you smile.
I really would love to see you smile.

Hate.

2005-10-21T22:05:00.000+08:00

Do you all hate me?
I can feel it.
I can feel that you all hate me because I am irritating.
Like a retarded fool.
----------------------------------------------------
When will someone come up and say to me that she loves me?
When will it happen?
It might not happen.
But, I still carry on this hope.
Because I really hope that you will love me.

Will you love me?
Currently, I think not.
I've looked through conversations between us.
They were just unforgettable.

Will they come again?
Please God, let her SMS me again.
Call me again.
Talk to me through MSN Messenger again.
Please.

I will do anything just to make you happy.
I will even die for you.
Serious.
You know, I really wish I can spent my life with you.

MapleStory.

2005-10-20T22:01:00.000+08:00

I started the journey of a game.
Which I never imagined I would play again.
----------------------------------------------------
It was you.
You gave me the power to played this game.
My friends encouraged me.
And I, simulated you in my mind.
I just played on.

What will happen if we see each other on the screen?
Will you speak to me?
Will I speak to you?
What will really happen?

You know, I really hope those SMS will come again.
I saw my bill.
They were 100 bucks ++ again.
But it wasn't you.
Why was my bill high?
I chatted with friends.
Sometimes talking about you.

What does this means?
This means that my heart still has you.

Finished.

2005-10-19T23:10:00.000+08:00

Finally, exams are over.
Many things remained the same.
But there is one thing which hasn't changed.
----------------------------------------------------
My love for you.
It's hard to change.
Nor I will change it easily.

There was once I asked you whether it was possible to SMS you.
You said, no.
My whole heart sank.
Were you waiting for me as well like my friend said?
I just can't imagine the consequences.
You might get punished and stuff.

Is this situation going to continue?
Or is it going to change somehow?
Will the following year be a better year?
Will the love from you come during next year?

I hope so.
I really wish to have a big change in my life.
If there was one thing I want to do, I just want to be with you.
For eternity.
It's practically impossible but I hope it will happen.
Will it happen?

One last.

2005-10-18T18:32:00.000+08:00

One last exam.
Just one more.
----------------------------------------------------
So what if exams are over?
They are futile.
Will you send SMS to me?
Will you call me?
No.

I looked through our conversations through MSN Messenger once more.
They are just unforgettable.
MSN Messenger was our communicating tools between us.
Will it once more work for us for a special reason?
I really hope so.

You know, everything went haywire.
I said many things which hurt your heart.
You tolerated.
The love slowly faded.
I can sense it.
It finally faded without chances of getting back.

Everything just seems like jigsaw puzzle which cannot be put back together again.
When will everything be fixed to become one complete piece?
Will you?
Will Fate allow?

I just hope so.

Do dreams come true?

2005-10-17T21:13:00.000+08:00

Will dreams happen?
Does it really come true?
No.
It will never.
No matter how one tries, it will never come true.
----------------------------------------------------
I bought new spectacles.
Wishing you will notice it.
When I reached the canteen, the fat-ass told you I came.
You turned round and looked at me.
I then walk to my common seat.

What was your reaction in your heart?
Were you elated?
Or something else?
You know, I just wish you will talk to me.
I really want to understand you better.

Stupid fools like me just have lousy understanding.
Please, will you talk to me?
Send SMS to me?
Call me?
No.

All these will not happen anymore.
Never ever.
All because I did one foolish thing.

Malaysia.

2005-10-16T20:37:00.000+08:00

I went to Malaysia.
My uncle was marrying.
----------------------------------------------------
There was barely nothing I could do.
All I did was to think of you.
I tried to get a signal on my phone, so that if your SMS come, I can reply.
But I was wrong.
SMS from you will never come ever again.

You know, my uncle was so happy.
I even imagined that we will be like them.
But all these are mere imaginations.
They will never happen.

When will I meet a girl of my heart?
I recognize you as the girl of my heart.
But I guess, I wasn't your type.

Why no one likes me?
Why almost everyone hates me?
Is it because of my character?
Or what?
Please, will you tell me what to do?

Changes.

2005-10-15T22:38:00.000+08:00

I went out almost the whole day.
----------------------------------------------------
When I'm always out, I always wish that I can meet you somewhere.
But, no.
The chance will never ever come.

I wish to hear your voice again.
Will I ever have the chance to hear it again?
Through the phone.
I really hope so.

You know, I really hope you will talk to me.
I really would love to have the chance to talk to you everyday, making you happy and stuff.
But I know, those chances will never come.

I just want to stay with you.
In your life.
Full of colors.
And joy.

Did I make you too scared?
Do I treat you better than others?
You told me, I treat you very well.
But I still feel, I don't care enough for you.

There was many times I doubt myself.
Should I love you forever?
I should.
Because I believe we will be forever.
Towards the end, everything turned upside down.
Everything changed unexpectedly.

Gastric?

2005-10-14T21:59:00.000+08:00

Was it gastric?
Or was it something more then that?
Cancer?
Appendicitis?
Aren't I thinking too far.
----------------------------------------------------
I used my hands to hold on to my stomach.
Hoping to catch your attention.
Many times.
But failed.
You just seemed like you didn't know.
That is just so sad.

During that point of time, I had the thinking of saying 'I love you' because I have a feeling that I will leave this world.
I really wanted to go up to your face and say.
But I guess just seeing your face will help in anything.

Not many people asked what happened to me.
How much I wished you asked.
Why didn't you?
Are you what my friend said?
I am too lousy for you?

That's what I think.
I just want you to know that I really love you.
And if I really did hurt you hard, please, forgive me.
I am willing to suffer any hardships, just in exchange for the safety of you.

Happy?

2005-10-13T19:59:00.000+08:00

Should I be happy or not?
Tomorrow will be having History exam.
How sad.
----------------------------------------------------
When we had our second recess, we had soccer.
Upon coming back, people told me that one fat-ass disturbed you.
Cooking up a lame excuse, I shouted at him.
He went back to his seat.
Were you happy?
I don't know.

I suddenly feel a little happier.
Because I feel that I made you happy.
But was that a fact?
I really hope so.

Orders of class photos passed around today.
I picked two.
Both had the best pictures of you.
The pretty smile, the magnificent face.
As soon I get hands on those photos, I will be elated because I can see your face everyday.

You know, I just hope you are in my life.
Despite many criticisms about you, I always tried to vituperate them back.
Protecting you.
Would I have the honour to bring you happiness for your youth?
I guess not.
Everything has changed.

Disappointed.

2005-10-12T20:06:00.000+08:00

I feel so disappointed.
I feel like I am a stupid idiot.
I feel like I am having mood swings.
----------------------------------------------------
Everytime you talk to a guy, I feel a sense scent of jealousy in my heart.
I overheard your conversation with somebody.
You told him not to call you today.
What did that mean?
It means that he normally calls you.
Which I used to do.

Everything changes.
Especially Man.
I told you I will be forever changed.
I guess I am.

Or is it the same old me?
I am in such a messy dilemma.
All I could think is you.

I hear many advices from my best friend.
About how to talk to you, how to approach you.
But I just cannot pick up the courage.

How useless of me.
How much I wish I just die.

Will you still care for me now?
I wonder.

Special feeling.

2005-10-11T20:11:00.000+08:00

I have a special feeling.
Very disturbing it is.
----------------------------------------------------
Everytime I look at you, you seem to look back at me.
Was that few glimpses meaning you're having a feeling for me?
How much I hope so.
But, I guess that isn't the case.

I really hope the feeling will come back.
It will never ever.
The sweet voice, the beautiful face, they will only live in my memories.
Not in my everyday life.
I have taken too much for granted.
Can I please have you back?

Today, when I was playing soccer with my friends today, you came as well.
As you slowly walk into your common path to home, my heart just slowly sank deeper and deeper.
At that point of time, I really love to shout out your name, saying , 'I love you'.
Due to my uselessness, I can't.

All I could do is to stare at you, taking fast steps to home.
I really hope you just turn back, realizing I am glancing at you.
Those memories will just flow.
And the actions will not be taken.

There are many things I want to do.
But I guess I cannot.

Dreams.

2005-10-10T19:23:00.000+08:00

What are dreams?
In my opinion, they are something which you hope for or desire for.
And what do I desire for?
----------------------------------------------------
You.
You were the one whom I love most.
Care most.
Think most.
Look most.

Almost every single minute, I tried looking for your face.
Because I want to look at you and your smile.
Your smile is the most beautiful one I have ever seen.

Today during the English Mock Exam today, my friend behind me was so noisy.
I tried making him to keep quiet.
Before the exam even started, we talked.
The teacher then called us the three of us, behind each other, to go collect books for her.
We even helped a teacher to give out books.
When we came back, not only we were awarded a stay back, we were also being laughed.
I tried making you laughed as well, by blaming my friend.

I really wished to see your smile on your face.
That makes the beautiful you more magnificent.
Every single day, the most beautiful person I have seen throughout the day, would be you.
And I will never ever forget your smile and your face.

Online but..

2005-10-09T19:43:00.000+08:00

Something just happened.
Something which was hard to explain.
----------------------------------------------------
You came online.
But that was about 22 hours ago and I did not realize.
Why?
I was too inattentive.
Why didn't I notice you online?
Why, why, why?

How blur could I go?
I remembered once you told me I was blur, instead of stupid.
You know, your chat logs are the longest in the folder.
3 files.
They are all the histories which belong to you and I.
Those were the files which I can never forget.

The happy and the unhappy times we had.
I just wish I can have another long chat.
This long chat, which will never ever end.

Do you know what is my wish?
My wish is to spend my whole life with you.
But, those will not happen.
It will never.

I just hope, it will.

Not online.

2005-10-08T21:46:00.000+08:00

Many people aren't online.
Because of the exam period.
----------------------------------------------------
Especially you.
I really hoped you were online.
Because I really wish you came online to see me if I am online.
How naive of me.

Yesterday night I mustered all my courage to call your handphone.
After hearing the 'Bye Bye Ring Ring' starting tone, I decided to put down.
Because I just wanted to confirm if you turned on your phone.
I just wished you could pick up the phone like before.

The time we chat, was way beyond our imaginations.
I remembered your very sweet voice.
I would just like to hear it again.

You know, I really don't mind if I go into a operation just to see you coming and say what you wanted before I had any chances of dying.
What will happen if I die?
Will you be so sad that you will say 'I love you'?
I really hope so.

I saw a Taiwan variety show, talking about a group of Taiwanese trying to match up a couple despite the guy's mother's rejection.
He even took up swimming so that the girl will be touched.
How much I hope we were them, excluding all the problems.
I just want you to know, I am even willing to sacrifice my life for you, just like them.

Coincidence?

2005-10-07T19:54:00.000+08:00

The number of full stops.
It all fits.
Are you referring to me?
I'm suspecting coincidence.
It can't be.
----------------------------------------------------
My friend said you liked somebody but it wasn't from our school.
Was it a lie, or is it the truth?
I know, I can't be with you.
You were too good.
Such good qualities should go with people with good values.
People like me, should not deserve anyone nor anything.

I am just someone, which everyone at least hates once.
Everyone.
You know, when my friend told me that news, my whole heart sank.
Thinking whether it is the truth or not.
I don't know.
I am in such a mess.

During the exam, I hope to make you laugh.
The one behind me, was so noisy.
I just couldn't resist to make him shut up.
I really hope I did make you laugh.

Why do I have to make things so complicated?
Why?
Everytime I get into trouble.
Just because I wanted to make you laugh.
You just didn't seem to laugh.
Such a failure I am.

Blur.

2005-10-06T19:59:00.000+08:00

Am I 50-50 happy and sad?
Maybe 70-30.
I will be so sad tomorrow.
----------------------------------------------------
Today after school, my friends and I played soccer at the street soccer court.
When you passed by, I tried to find a chance to score.
But to my terrible dismay, no.
After you disappeared from my sight, I scored one.
And then another one.

I was so glad that I can score for you.
If you were there looking at me, I just hope you are going to be proud of me.

During Science, you were whacking your partner.
Why didn't that happen to me?
I don't mind if you kill me or what.
I just wish to see your happy face if I make you smile.

Only your gleeful smile, can make my heart warm.

Every single day in school, I look at you.
Almost every minute.
I just hope to see your smile.
I really want to.

Almost everyone talks to you in the last few months.
But not me.
When was the last time I have ever talked to you?
I don't know.
It was donkey years, even before the June holidays I guess.

Sad.
Just plain sad.

Mixed feelings.

2005-10-05T21:14:00.000+08:00

I feel like I am having mixed feelings.
I don't know whether I should be happy or sad.
I seem to be in a big whirl.
----------------------------------------------------
During History today, teacher awarded sweets.
People then started to passed sweets to me.
One of my best friends, who was sitting in front of you, told you to pass those sweets to me.
You told the person behind you to pass it to me.
You seem to say my name with joy.
I was so glad.

During Chinese class, people were giving out compositions.
You were one of those people giving out.
I wondered if you will ask other people about my name.
I was surprised.
You did not.

Has my name left a deep impression on you?
What naive thinking I have.

I just hope that I did.
You know, I just want to see you everyday.
Carrying a special smile, which warms my heart.

Although you were laughing with the people I don't really like, I really don't mind.
I just want you to be happy.
Really.

I just wish you would see this.
I want you to know that I love you.

Am I happy?

2005-10-04T20:31:00.000+08:00

Am I happy?
There were a few amendments to my life.
Yesterday and today.
----------------------------------------------------
I saw you coming down the stairs of the bus when your stop had come.
Yesterday I let off a smile.
Today I let off nothing.
Instead I looked somewhere.
I was too embarrassed to face you.

I have disappointed you many times.
Again, for English lesson.
I called your partner.
You seldom turn around.

That totally saddens me.
What can I do to salvage this situation?
All I want is to be with you, to make you happy.
Is is so difficult?

Why do I have to make things so complicated?
I have caused so much trouble for so many people.
I feel so sick of this life.
I just wish to spend my life with you.

Without you, everything seems dark.
Very dark.

You are the star in my world.

Changes.

2005-10-03T18:51:00.000+08:00

I feel so changes around me.
I want to change.
To change to a better person which everyone will like.
----------------------------------------------------
Especially you.

When I called your partner during English lesson today, you seem to have several head turns.
Those turns really made me feel warm and glad.
Despite the fathomless lacuana I am in, I feel that I have the ability to fly up high to meet this little angel of my heart.
As the saying goes, 'Everything changes.'
Even for anyone's feelings.
For instance, yours and mine.

In the near future, I might not love you anymore.
But I can assure you, that I can love you now.

Upon your face,
there was something special,
which always breaks through the radiating Sun,
it was your smile.

That was my second poem.
Should I have time, I shall write,

But even if I write, will you ever see?

During several lessons, I looked at you.
I feel that you are looking at me.
Would I ever see, you smiling back at me for more times?

Hopes.

2005-10-02T18:44:00.000+08:00

What are hopes?
To me, they are almost similar to wishes.
What are my wishes?
----------------------------------------------------
I just want to be with you.
I'm afraid it is so hard.

What was I doing the whole day?
Slogging over the homework.
Most importantly, thinking of you.

You were the one who was in my mind all the time.

In a unclear, dark lonely sea,
you seem to stand like a lighthouse.
Giving off bright, white light,
to guide my way through the ocean blue.

This was my first poem.
I just hope you see it.

Should you be with me, I just hope there is an important event for me to attend.
So that you will feel proud.

How naive can I go.

Love.

2005-10-01T20:46:00.000+08:00

What is love?
According to my dictionary, it says deep affection or fondness.
That's what happens to me.
----------------------------------------------------
I love you.

Is it wrong?
I have fathomless obsession for you.
I am the one who thinks of you every single second.
You were the one who doesn't.

Who am I in your eyes?
A monster?
A pervert?
An irritating person?
Please tell me.

Please, talk to me.
Or send me a message or something.
I am afraid I will fail my Chinese again.

Why do I always keep flopping?
During the exams, my mind was not about those correct answers.
My answers were you, you, you.
The answers never seem to stop.

Why did I learn guitar?
It was because you learnt music.
If I don't know music, I am just a useless piece of junk which belongs to the trash.

I just cannot forget the things happened to us.
I will never ever forget.

I cannot go on.

2005-09-30T10:01:00.000+08:00

I just realized that life isn't so easy to go on.
I forced myself to go on with this life.
Just for one person.
----------------------------------------------------
You.

Without you in my life, I am so lonely.

I just need your smile and laughter.
Everyday during class, what do I always do?
Take glimpses at you.

At times, when I looked at you, you seem to look at me.
Is history repeating?
I hope so.

I just wish to change the facts.
I shouldn't let out something between us.
How stupid can I go?
I wouldn't trust anyone.
Except you.

Everything you say, I believe.

All I hope is for the feeling, to come back.

What do I want?

2005-09-29T15:12:00.000+08:00

What do I want?
Went to play soccer with friends.
Who/What was I thinking?
----------------------------------------------------
You.

I even started to write 3 poems.
Just hoping you will notice it.
Sadly, I don't think you will.

You know, all I just wish is to have you in my life.

My friend, have a chance to woo someone.
Sadly, he doesn't want.
How can he do that?
I don't want anyone to end up like me.
No one.

It is really painful if someone breaks your heart.
Especially a girl.
I don't wish anyone to end up like me.

When there is someone who likes you, try and treasure him or her.
Golden opportunities don't come so easily.

String.

2005-09-28T20:16:00.000+08:00

There was something which was on my pencil case for days.
Just for a few days.
It was a big difference.
It had been in my pencil box for a very, very long time.
----------------------------------------------------
Do you know how I got that string?
You shared with me when it was Geography exam last semester.
I kept it, all the way till now.
Hoping you will notice the change.

But since the day I put in on, you seem to have an attitude change towards me.
Was it you were unhappy about me putting the string on my pencil case?
Or was it you were unhappy that I still kept things which can remind about you?
I don't know.
All I wish is that you will tell me what you want.
I really wish to provide with what you want.

I really wish to see you being happy everyday.
Unlike me, being happy on the outside, bleeding in the inside.
Internal injury.
It hurts a lot.
And it has been there for so long.
No one notices it.
I have tried to cut on my arrogance today.
I wanted to improve my silence and try to make you happier.
But will that help?

I just hope someday you will talk to me.
Will you just talk to me?
You know, I feel so lonely in my heart.
It seems that no one cares about me.
And who would I think of?
You.
It's all about you.

Miss you.

2005-09-27T20:32:00.000+08:00

Another day.
Almost like yesterday.
Dull and boring.
----------------------------------------------------
During Chinese, I told you that you had something on your hair.
You turned around, seems to be feigning ignorance for me.
When I started to wave, you turned to me and I started to talk.
I had mustered my courage.

Do you want to know what I've been doing all day?
I guess not.
It will scare you.
And I guessed you had enough.
Everyone might already had enough of my arrogance and irritation.
I know.
I am just not fit enough to be with you all.
To you all, I might just be a pea.

Everyone is taking everyone for granted because they are there for you everyday.
All because I take you for granted, that was how I lost you.
Nothing will come back again.
You won't.
The feeling won't.

No one will like me.
No one will love me.
No one will.
Not you.
Nor anyone else.
Because I am too lousy for anyone.

Cold shoulder.

2005-09-26T20:39:00.000+08:00

Today.
Seems totally dull.
Boring.
----------------------------------------------------
You had little smiles today.
You look so down.
Even when I called the on who sat beside you, out of four or five times, you turned around only once or twice.
I wonder what happened.
Are you having mood swings or something?
I don't know.
I mean, its natural.

I just don't understand why people like to say you.
Everytime they just seem to bully you.
I even scolded them sometimes.
But do you ever notice the love within those words?

You used to say I care too much for you.
What about now?
I don't know.
So I would like you to tell me.
I really want to change for a better person.

You just seem to be a perfectionist.
But normally, I don't even think you are one.

All I wish to see everyday is you, your smile and your laughter.
Most of all, I of course, would like to have a chance to speak to you.
But I wouldn't bring it so high though.
All the things I need everyday will lighten up my day and my stress.
What's more, bring more happiness to my life.

Love.

2005-09-25T22:07:00.000+08:00

What is love?
What is obsession?
Now, what is problem with me?
----------------------------------------------------
Am I too obsessed with you that I couldn't concentrate on my work?
All I could think is you.
Just you.
The bright you.

I want to call you.
But the guts just won't come.
If I call up your house, what will your family think?
I know your family don't mind.
But I do.
What if I call your handphone?
You won't pick up.
You don't even on at times.

Sometimes I really wonder what will happen if I die.
Will you cry for me?
And by the time, sit by my coffin, saying I love you?
What am I thinking?
How naive can I go.
All these thought just flow through my mind.
Just, zoom.
They flash.

But you.
The pictures of you won't just zoom across.
They stay, and will not leave.

Naivete.

2005-09-24T21:17:00.000+08:00

How naive of me.
To produce such posts.
I know, you guys hate me.
Everyone.
One by one, slowly leaves me.
----------------------------------------------------
Especially you.
I sometimes wonder if you still hate me.
And why you hate me.
You know, at times, I feel like calling you.
But I just feel so shy.
What will the outcome be?

I just don't know.
I just feel like talking to you.
We can't even communicate.
Through the phone, SMS, nor verbally.

How stupid of me.
I can't even crack a joke for you to laugh.
All I wish is to make you happy.
It is that easy.
But when I want to do it, it feels so hard.
Just so hard.

I am like the moon.
And you are the Sun.
My heart, resembles the moon, filled with craters on the surface.

At times, I even think that you are my stars.

In the dark night,
you shone luminously above me.
Deterred by your magnitude,
nothing was made.
Only wishes.

Happy.

2005-09-23T20:12:00.000+08:00

I feel happy.
Probably a little.
----------------------------------------------------
My friend told you to say ' Hi ' to me before he said ' I love you ' to the person he likes.
That ' Hi ' was so nice.
Although it seems to be a little weird.
But I love you.
You actually talked to me.
I was so surprised.

The whole day during NCC, I kept thinking about you.
I told myself, I must march properly, for you.

Everytime during NCC, I wished for attention.
Especially yours.
I just want to see your face and I am very contented.
That's all.

I understand you can't.
There is studies and parents restriction.
You might not even want to see me.
I don't know.
I am very blur.
Everything seems blur.

It seems dark.
Only the torch of you, standing in the dark.
All I can see is you.

I just want to communicate with you in class.
Now it is so hard.
Because everything has changed.

IMT.

2005-09-22T21:59:00.000+08:00

Today was fun.
IMT and stuff.
But it might not be fun if not for someone.
----------------------------------------------------
It was you.
I passed my IMT just because I was thinking all about you.
My whole mind was simulating about you.
Thinking deeply about you.
I told myself I had to get marksman for you.
Instead, I got a Pass.
If you were there, I just hope you were happy for me.

I really wished you were there to give support so that I may do better.
I might have already got the marksman if you were there.
Just the whole time out there, I was thinking about you.
I have to say something.
I did most of the things for you.
I just hope you feel proud.

No one cheers for me.
No one cares for me.
We got out of class early.
Did you worry for me?
I don't know.
I just hope so.
I worried for you, that's why I typically walked back, pretending to wait for my friend.
All I did was to take more glimpses of you before my heart could rest.

Non-stop feeling.

2005-09-21T20:53:00.000+08:00

Everything went haywire today.
My friend, just keep whacking one of my best friend's 'girl'.
He whacked back at my normal friend.
----------------------------------------------------
You had that very shocked look.
What was running through your mind?
Were you hoping that you being hurt, you will be protected by me?
How much I wish so.
But it isn't.
The situation isn't like that.

How could you think about that?
I can already guessed it.
You weren't thinking about that.

Every single day, I can only be happy when you are happy.
You aren't much happy today.
Do you like my best friend instead of me?
I know I look so ugly.
And stupid.

I don't have all the points in a man you are looking for.
I guess I can't provide much in your life.
Probably laughter and happiness.
I am sure to guarantee that everything that happens between the both of us, nothing will be divulged.
I can keep that promise.

I may not stay with you forever.
But how much I wish we are together again.
For eternity.

Blur.

2005-09-20T21:59:00.000+08:00

In this world.
Everything seems so blur.
I am blur, the things around me are blur.
----------------------------------------------------
But you were always the brightest to shine upon me.
Which means, I can only see you in my world.

I don't know why are online at such a late time.
Did you came online just to see me?
How naive I am.

I keep whacking someone's butt because he was always talking to you.
Which made me so jealous.
He was always so proud.
I wouldn't say I wasn't proud.
I am just not as proud as him.

I thought of you.
I think of you.
I will think of you.

You exist in my past, present and the future.
The memories never end.

The penguin on my bed.
Always let me recall your voice, and your tone.
You had that very sweet tone.
There was this sound which emits when pressed on its stomach.
You asked what was it.
I told you it was my penguin.
You had that very nice, gentle laughter which warms my heart.

A little happy.

2005-09-19T19:49:00.000+08:00

I feel a little happier these days.
Especially today.
----------------------------------------------------
I called your partner during English repeatedly.
You turned your head back also.
Have I got your full attention?
I don't know.
When you turned back, I didn't look at you.
Even if I did, they were glimpses.

Why didn't I look at you?
I was too ashamed to look at you.
After all the things I had done to you, I feel that I cannot look at you.
You are too good for me.
I really wish to have a chance to be with you.

But, I guess I don't.
The golden opportunity doesn't always come.
They always slip away.

Almost the whole of today, I couldn't took my eyes off you.
Which means you are so attractive.
What about me?
I am the ugly toad, wanting to eat the magnificent swan.

No one will want to look at me.
Not even you.
I am ugly.
I am stupid.
You aren't.
If I am not stupid, I would have won your heart for eternity.

I am just so stupid.

The feeling.

2005-09-18T21:00:00.000+08:00

The feeling.
Has always been there.
For the past few months, the love from you isn't in my heart.
Nor anyone's.
----------------------------------------------------
My feeling.
Where has it gone to?
Right to your heart.
It has never left it since the starting of the year.

For a few times, I might have said, I love you forever.
We might not be together forever.
But at the point of time when I said that phrase, I didn't wish you to leave me.
I actually predicted you wouldn't leave me.
I was wrong.
You left me.

To you, it wasn't left.
Because we weren't even together at the first place.

How I wish we are, back together again.
For eternity.
I know, it wouldn't happen.
Nothing is eternity.
Everything changes.

These months.
I wanted my love for you to not change.
It did.
Now that things are a little better, the love for you, is more now.
In other words, I love you deeper now.

I love you.

2005-09-17T21:37:00.000+08:00

Everytime I am in class.
I feel happy.
The feeling seems to be back.
Just the feeling.
----------------------------------------------------
The real feeling isn't back yet.
And it isn't coming back.
It will never come back.

Those messages.
Those calls.
They won't come anymore.

I won't get to hear your voices again.
Through phone, nor to face-to-face.
Never ever, will it ever happen again.

You told me you don't hate me.
I had doubts.
But, I had to believe you.
Because I love you.
I had to.
Even though I had doubts.
I don't know.
Whether if you were lying or not.
I hope not.

You might not love me.
But, can you let me love you?
I really do love you.
I just hope you give me this chance.

I miss you.

2005-09-16T20:29:00.000+08:00

I miss someone.
I really do.

I feel so revved up today.
Really.
----------------------------------------------------
During NCC, you and your friends came to look at our NCC platoon.
I feel totally revved up.
I stood at perfect attention.
I want to impress you.

I guess the dark days are over.
But I am not contented yet.
Yes, I am greedy.
That is the real me.

You stayed up till 4 p.m.
I was so happy you stayed such a long time.
When we were split up for games, people said you looked at me.
Instead of looking of you, I think of you.
I am serious.

Nearing the end of NCC, I really regretted not looking at you.
I don't even mind pumping for you.
I really don't.
The sacrifice is worth it.
Because I really love you.
I can do whatever you say.

These few days are going to be busy.
But I am not going to forget you, because, I love you.

I am still blur.

2005-09-15T20:02:00.000+08:00

I belong to this blur world.
I wonder.
Are the better days coming?
I guess not.
----------------------------------------------------
I greeted you.
You told me the greeting which was said yesterday wasn't made by you.
You said it was someone.
That made me furious, and sad.

Why was I furious?
It was that little short-fud, buck-toothed, busybody girl.
How I wish she wasn't in this school.
But I couldn't blame her as well.
I had the whole day blaming myself not replying to your Instant Message.

Secondly, why am I sad?
It wasn't you who said the greeting.
My whole heart just sank.
How much I hope it was you who greeted me.

Why am I so useless?
I asked you a question, which you didn't answer.
The question must have been difficult to answer.
Should I ask the second question?
Or just stay open the conversation window?
I don't know.

I am blind.
I am so, so blind.

I don't know if I still love you.

Think.

2005-09-14T21:59:00.000+08:00

I really feel better today.
Really.
There was a change in something.
----------------------------------------------------
You made it clear to me, that we were still friends.
That made me so happy.
But I wonder, the hatred has left you.

During today's Art lesson, I had your drawing piece, I called out your name, and passed it to you.
You seem a little glad.
That little smile made me feel warmth.

Today, I was so immersed in a game that I left out your greeting when you were online.
When the game came to an end, you were already offline.
My whole heart sank.
I really wished to give you an SMS or a phone call.
But now, nothing can be done.

Have I really been changing?
I don't know.

I got another person to promise me to make you happy.
And now I can assure you, that 3/4 of your friends can make you happy.
I am one of those 1/4 people who can't make you happy.
I just hope you are happier with them.

I don't know whether if I still love you.
I don't know.
I admit, I love a person is with its looks.
By as time goes by, I found out your inner looks.
Which made me feel you are brighter.
That made me more love you.

And now, I am in this fathomless, lacuana.

I wish.

2005-09-13T20:13:00.000+08:00

I am so lazy.
Exams are coming the next 3 weeks and I have not even started a single thing.
What was I thinking which made me so distracted?
----------------------------------------------------
You.
You were in my world of thoughts.
In other words, all I could think is you.
Were you thinking of me?
I hope so.

During English lesson today, you seem to laugh at certain matter because they were so-called punished.
I don't know.
I wasn't thinking of anything by then.
Only you was in my mind.

Every single day after school, I feel so lonely.
Because without your laughter, I can hardly smile.
I have been trying so hard to get attention.
Especially yours.
But your attention wasn't to me.
It was to other people.

I just got another person to promise me to made you as happy as possible.
You might be just the happiest girl ever in the world.
Perharps without love, you are much better.
I predict you are going to be a very career-minded women.

As for me, a person who is still looking for love.
I am waiting.
For you.

Do you know?

2005-09-12T20:36:00.000+08:00

Does anyone know?
No one knows how I feel inside.
There is so many people.
Don't know about me.
They just live their own lives.
----------------------------------------------------
You don't even care about me.
There is no one who cared more than you did when we were together.
I really regretted it.
I realized that a relationship is a matter of two people.
Not the others.

Should we have a chance to be together again, I promise I won't tell anyone, anything.
I guess, the chance, has already gone.
The hatred, might still been there.
The point is, no one really cares for me.

You know, I wish you can be happy, almost forever.
Hence, I made 1 person to promise me to make you happy.
That isn't the end.
I am going to make another 2 people to promised to make you happy.
Lastly, you are probably going to be the happiest person in the world because you have many people to make you happy excluding me.

Your world does not have me.
That means, my world is gone.

Hard.

2005-09-12T20:29:00.000+08:00

It's so hard.
Everything's so hard.

Tomorrow, the cradle of the new term.
----------------------------------------------------
I don't know how to face you.
After all the things I had done, I feel so ashamed to face you.
I don't know what to do.
I just don't know.

All I know is to take glimpses of you.
And you, don't even take glimpses of me.
I know.

Everything all went wrong today.
How will you face me?
With a laughter or a smile?
Most unlikely, a depressed face.

People said you were selfish.
What did I do?
I debated with them.
Will that defence change the feeling between you and me?

No.
I know.
It will never.

Cannot stop thinking.

2005-09-10T20:02:00.000+08:00

I just cannot stop thinking.
About someone.
I am just so disappointed in you.
Why is everything so hard?
----------------------------------------------------
I really don't know what to do.
I am so confused.
About everything.
Especially you.

You know, you just mean so much in my life.
Happiness and stuff.
It is all under your control.
Everytime I see you, I feel happy.
Because you have friends, to make you happy.

I have a feeling, that I'm leaving this world.
Very soon.
It just seem the absence of you includes the absence of me.
I really love you.
I really do.

Do you appreciate?
I guess not.
I don't know.
I just feel you aren't.

You just don't feel anything.
I guess.

Love you.

2005-09-09T20:57:00.000+08:00

We were leaving.
Bought souvenirs and stuff.
----------------------------------------------------
I was thinking of buying a gift for you.
But given your character, I doubt you will even take the gift.
I was thinking of buying a necklace, writing your name on it.
But, as I said, you won't accept it.

There was something which could made me even happier in that trip.
It was you.
The absence of you just bring depression and a vast amount of pressure.

I stayed up all night, with my roommates, playing.
As we were playing, my mind was all about you.
I was thinking about how to give you a present on your birthday.

I just hope you were there.
I was almost sad when we were back in our rooms.
The thought of you just gave me a large amount of stress.
Which almost made me drop my tears.

I know, everyone hates me.
I even started and try stopping SMS-ing people.
Am I changing?
I hope so.

Friends.

2005-09-08T20:53:00.000+08:00

I was in Muar, then to Malacca.
I never looked happy.
----------------------------------------------------
Why?
You weren't around.
Without you, my life is just so sad.

I asked my roommates, whether if they had missed someone.
They said no.
What about me?
I missed you.
A lot, a lot.
The love resembles so much to a river which never stops flowing.

You know, I really love you.
If not, why would I miss you?

There were many things happened.
The tour guide said many things.
What entered into my brain?
You.
Only you.

I just couldn't resist the passion for someone else whom I love so much.

Depressed.

2005-09-07T20:45:00.000+08:00

Sad.
Plain sad.
I'll be leaving tomorrow.
----------------------------------------------------
I keep asking myself whether will you be missing me.
The answer which always strike me is no.
You won't.
Given your character, I know you wouldn't.

Will tomorrow be full of fun or sorrows?
I guess it will be sorrows.
The reason behind it is because I won't see you.
The sight of not seeing you results in no success.
I just hope you will be there tomorrow.
But no.
There isn't a chance for you to come anymore.
How sad.

You know, I just hope there will be an event which I can participate, where many people sits, including you, seeing me winning something.
You might just be delighted.
Or proud of me, of course, if there is a possibility of us being together.
However, there isn't a chance.
No.
There isn't.
Not even a chance.

I really appreciate if you were to give me a chance to change.

I am willing to change for you.

I don't know.

2005-09-06T20:20:00.000+08:00

I don't know.
I don't know if I still have the ability to move on.
I am so blur.
Everything seems pitched dark.
----------------------------------------------------
Without you, it really is pitched dark.

Will anyone miss me, during the Malacca trip, or even this holidays?
Including you.
Who will?
No one.
Because I am so stupid.

It is just 2 more mornings before I leave.
Will you think of me?
I am sure you aren't.
Because the hatred within you has not go away.

Perharps I should leave this world so that the hatred will fade away.
I would say everyone hates me.
My face, my characters.
I guess I ain't your friend anymore.

Please, give me a chance.
And I will treasure it, with all my heart.
I will care for you more.
Listen to you.
Protect you from any harm.
But, the chance isn't there.

I just hate myself.

Just so bored.

2005-09-05T21:59:00.000+08:00

I feel so bored.
Everyday.
It just seems the same.
----------------------------------------------------
Because without you in my life, I cannot live happily.
No girl has SMS-ed me today.
Maybe I am too irritating.
Yes, I am.
I already heard from somebody I am irritating and troublesome.
That's true, I won't deny.
But what was the cause?
The absence of you.
I just seem to cannot live without you and your smile.

Why was that you had to leave me?
I took you for granted.
I should have treasured you more.
I should have shown you more concern.
All because of my irritation and trouble, I have caused you to be in this plight as well.
I feel so sad.

Please know, that I am forever changed.
After the holidays.
I will stop my irritation, and troubles.
I will just shut my mouth, unless somebody talks to me.
If you talk to me, I will just happily answer you.

I just want you to know, I will, miss you, a lot, during the Malacca trip.

I just hope.

2005-09-04T21:29:00.000+08:00

Everything seems dull.
I can already sense something.
----------------------------------------------------
An old friend of mine added you to a conversation.
He left.
Except us.
You closed the window.
I followed suit.
Later on, you '??', asking about what happened.
I told you that it was that guy's plan.
You then said, you don't want to know.

What was that supposed to mean?
By that sentence, I can already sense some hatred in you.
You hate me.
And I know, you might have despise me.
I just don't understand why do you hate me.
I had done something wrong.
Since the matter has been so long, why not let it rest?

I just hope you can forgive me, and levy the hatred within you.
However, I know all these wouldn't happen.
The feelings for you might have faded.
And I am coming to a decision right now.
Can't you give me a chance to turn afresh?

If you are willing to give me a chance to turn over a new leaf, please, put a yellow ribbon, on your pencil box.
Or at least, put it somewhere which is visible to me.
To show that the second prison within me, has been opened.

I know.

2005-09-03T20:56:00.000+08:00

I am so disappointed.
Everyone just seem to betray me.
Almost everyone.
They just seem to let out the secrets that no one except he/she knows.
I just don't know what was their motive.
----------------------------------------------------
I have been carrying the torch for you for many months.
And you have been touched, for just about one month.
As the time passes by, my mood sank deeper and deeper.

I asked many people whether you hated me or not.
Many people said no.
I got my primary school friend to ask you the same question.
What was the answer?
It was a yes.
That just left a fathomless impact in my heart.
I didn't know you had such hatred on me.
I don't know what to do.

Should I just keep on loving you or to move on?
I don't know.
You would be the most perfect person to tell me that.
Unfortunately, I know you wouldn't.
Because you will never ever visit this blog ever again ever since that incident.

I really regretted that incident.
I shouldn't have told anybody about that.
All I just hope is that the hatred in your heart will stop.
----------------------------------------------------
I am sure in this Malacca trip, you wouldn't miss me at all.
I am so sure.

I'm dead.

2005-09-02T20:17:00.000+08:00

I am so dead.
My report slip.
I'm dead.
I failed Chinese.
----------------------------------------------------
While you shone highly in Chinese.
You just had the limelight.
What about me?
No one practically asks me about my marks.
Not even you.
I had already expected you not asking me.

But there was something which I didn't expect.
During English lesson, I was 'cracking jokes' with the person who was sitting beside you.
You released a little giggle.
I wonder if it was my joke which made you laugh.
But that smile sure made me happy.

I would love to see you smiling.
The smile warms my heart.
The passion for you, will not be easily distinguished.
The flame will be kept burning.

You might be rejoicing at home now.
While me, sulking at home, thinking about you.
I just cannot stop thinking about you.

Miss you a lot.

2005-09-01T21:24:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it myself.
I just can't.
I wonder.
----------------------------------------------------
I wonder if you had a feeling for the one who sat beside you.
I don't know.
I just had a feeling.
The way you talk to him.
Almost identical to the time when you used to talk to me.

I just miss your laughter and your smile.
I just hope you will talk to me.
You know, I would say I cannot live without your smile, your SMS.
I live till today, because I still have the memories of your smiles.
But the SMS, they are all gone.
And cannot be retrieved.

You only used your phone when you had outings.
That made me so hurt.
The most hurtful thing is, when you talk to guys.
You almost talk to every single guy everyday.
Except me.
I am one of the most with the least communication with you.
I regret.
I regret that I didn't spent enough time with you.
Providing with what you want.
Happiness.
I just regretted that.

I miss you.

2005-08-31T20:12:00.000+08:00

Today just seem to be full of dull colours.
I wasn't much happy.
But, someone else is so happy.
----------------------------------------------------
You.
You were so happy.
You even held on the the person's chair who sat beside you.
That made me felt jealousy.
You know, I am happy to see you happy.

I'm leaving for Malaysia, in about 8 days.
I am sure I am going to miss you.
A lot a lot.
Like we used to miss each other during the March holidays.
Sadly, the feeling isn't going to come back.
Everything will be so different.

If you were to give me a pair of wings, I will want to soar up to the sky.
With you.
I wonder if you will still have that mutual feeling with me.
I guess not.
Everything changes.
I cannot guarantee the love for you will last forever.
But at least, I know the love for you will last now.
If I had a wish, I would love to be with you, for eternity.
That will not come true.
That is just the wishful part thinking of me.

You know, everything isn't going to come back.
I still wonder if I should give you up and go for another girl.
But it is really hard to forget you.
I don't know.

How deep is your love.

2005-08-30T20:14:00.000+08:00

The next few days are going to be not fine at all.
My report slip and stuff.
I'm so dead.
----------------------------------------------------
You returned back to school.
I was so glad.
What's more, you talked to me.
Asking me about the oral examination topic.
I told you the topic with a touch of contentment right from my heart.
You had this sweet voice.
Although you much of it today, my brain and heart processed it to become a very sweet voice, which used to come out from my handphone.

A smile can bring you near to me.
Please don't let me find you are gone, which will bring a tear to me.
It's only words, and words are only all I have, to take your heart away.
An extract from a song, Words, by The Bee Gees.

How I wish I cam play this song, on guitar.
So that you will be impressed.
I know, you had a bad impression on me last time, now, and even in the near future.
It is just so typical me.
The imbecile one.

Look, who tags at my tag-board?
Only some old friends.
What about you?
I was expecting you to tag.
But unfortunately, no.
I just know, you won't.

Sad.

2005-08-29T20:23:00.000+08:00

I was like, dull.
Though I appeared cheerful.
----------------------------------------------------
You weren't in school today.
You made me so worried.
Wild thoughts just ran wildly like a cheetah chasing a zebra.
I just kept thinking what happened to you.
Were you sick?
Piano exams?

I was told that you had sore throat and stuff.
My heart sank.
I was terribly worried.
WIll you get better tomorrow?
I hope so.
As long you got a little better, my heart will rest.

During school time, I worried until I was like, half-dead.
Thinking about what to do.
I really care for you.
You just let me worry.

I am going for the Malacca trip.
I remembered when we SMS-ed.
You just didn't seem to care about the cost.
You just cared about SMS-ing me.
And I appareciate greatly for that.
Lastly, I love you.

I miss you.

2005-08-28T21:22:00.000+08:00

The past.
Has all faded away.
Friends slowly fade away too.
----------------------------------------------------
Is everybody leaving me?
Especially you.
I cannot afford to lose you.
Now, our friendship has all gone.

I had this mutual affection for you.
Which cannot be forgotten.
Nor it can be replaced.
I really miss you so much.
Your SMS, your voice, your laughter, last but not least,
Your smile.
I just cannot forget it.
You told me you won't leave me.
But in the end, you did.

How could this happen to me?
Why did this happen to me?
Have you already planned to leave me?
I hope not.
There was used to be something between us, which cannot be separated by almost anything.
That particular thing is love.
And I hope it will come back again.

I cannot stop.

2005-08-27T21:02:00.000+08:00

Since yesterday, the memories just never stops flowing.
There are many things which I can't forget.

There are so many things for me to settle.
Teachers' Day card, Teachers' Day at old school and all the crappy stuff which is happening.
I am so confused.
I just hope you were by my side, to calm me down.
----------------------------------------------------
I feel that, without you, the world is just so black.
I kept thinking about the reason of you ignoring me.
Since you hate me, why not you just scold me?
You know, your ignorance to me makes me so worry and sad.
I cannot let my heart rest.
I cannot.

My heart just seems to be fated to lie with you.
I know, worda are just words.
There aren't much meaning.

I remembered I told you I might not give you a birthday present.
Come to think of it, I feel stupid.
I promise, I will give you a present.
Currently, I am still thinking of how to give you the present.
Should I write a message on it?
Most probably I will.

Miss you.

2005-08-26T21:22:00.000+08:00

We had soccer in the field during NCC.
Memories just start to fall upon me.
----------------------------------------------------
I remembered the time I stayed back for soccer playing with my Sec 4 friends.
You sent me SMS, saying to go home early.
That was just so sweet of you.
I still remember the messages.
All I know is that, the feeling and those nice messages aren't coming back at all.
They are gone.
Forever, I would say.

You aren't coming back to my side.
Never.
During English lesson, you turned around to ask the one sitting beside me whether he had the comprehension worksheet.
I was just so disappointed.
Why can't I just get the attention?
You know, it's really hard to not love you.

Today's NCC was just so dull.
Even though we had some fun.
There were girls of course, looking at us.
How much I hope it was you to be there, looking at us.
But I know, It isn't going to happen.
It was just my wishful part of thinking.
How stupid of me.
Why am I so stupid?

We had to write a Chinese composition about one person whom we hate.
You know who I wrote?
Me.
I guessed you must have hated me, and you would writing all my bad points.
I really wanted to write about how was I a heart-breaker.
And how I broke your heart.
How stupid I am.

I keep thinking about you.

I'm hating myself.

2005-08-25T21:03:00.000+08:00

I hate myself.
I am so imbecile.
Stupid me.
Idiotic me.
----------------------------------------------------
You topped the class for Math this test.
What about me?
I lagged behind.
Why am I so stupid?
How could I be.
There are many things I wanted to prove to you.
Such as my idiotic talents.
I learn them because of you.
Practically you won't get to see my stupid talents because there are so ugly until everyone doesn't even want to see.

You know, I really hope that I get loved once more.
Especially you.
I just need love and attention from you.
I know love isn't possible between us.
But what about attention?
Is it so difficult?

I had never talked to a girl for such a long time in the dead night.
It was you.
To give me the courage to do so.
Weren't you used to be extremely happy?
It might be.
But you just seem to be much happier now.
I just can't figure out why.
Probably without me in your life, you are much happier and not so stressed.

Disappointed.

2005-08-24T20:04:00.000+08:00

Disappointed.
The whole day is just so stressed.
Either I didn't sign some crappy thing, or I didn't being some funny stuff.
----------------------------------------------------
Why am I disappointed?
I realised you changed your earrings to ear sticks.
I was unsure whether it was my friend's.
I suppose it's his.
You know, I love the way you are.

I might just know the reason why the 'broke up' was initiated.
You might had loved me for the way I was.
Probably I just changed too much.
I remembered you telling me I was too good to you.
Wasn't that good?
I really missed the days we called each other.
Now, 101 days passed.
I really don't know what to do now.
Should I just send you a SMS, which you might be waiting as well?
Or should I just do something?

For now, all I wish is to be with you.
I don't need anything.
I just need you and your love.

I am just so stupid.
I can't ecen solve an easy Math sum.
How stupid can I go?
You know, when I asked your close friend about you, she just simply didn't give me an answer.
You see, there are many people caring for me.
Is there for me?
Probably some girls or guys who give sympathy to me.
The word is sympathy.
They might think I am just so pitiful, that's why I need the sympathy.
But what I really need is you and your love.

I am so lonely.

2005-08-23T20:35:00.000+08:00

I can't even find a person to chat with me.
It seems like everyone hates me.
Does everyone of you really hate me?
----------------------------------------------------
The best experience of being in a relationship was with you.
It was unforgettable.
For you, I took up fine arts.
Now, I don't know what to handle.
I just seem to be in a big maze.

As my improvised poem goes,
' I seem to be in a maze,
Where my face is in a daze.
I picture you in the sky,
As my tears fill the cry. '

I know, it might seem tacky.
It can said to be an express of love to you.
It is hard to express love to a person verbally.
Especially you.
You were the shy type.
You were the epitome I have ever looked in another person.

My friend produced good art.
Unlike me, produced such tacky art.
What's more, its for you.
I am such a failure.
Everybody is so sick of telling me off and advising.

I am even so sick of myself.

Over and over.

2005-08-22T20:06:00.000+08:00

Memories just flow over and over again.
I just can't seem to forget.
----------------------------------------------------
Everytime I hear your name, my whole spirit was lifted up.
Your smile.
Is something which I cannot forget till date.
I keep pushing myself to learn new guitar tabs.
What was the purpose?
To attract attention, especially yours.
It has been donkey years since I received your message.

3rd of May, was one of the most unforgettable days which I didn't want it to happen.
Although I cannot recall what happened on that day, I know something undesirable happened.
I just remembered you told me you tore the art I gave you.
That was just so heart-breaking.
I don't know how long can I go further.

Even you aren't going to that Malaysia trip.
Do you think I still have the mood to go?
I remembered the telephone there.
I wanted to give you a call, but, they were all spoilt.

I have lied to you umpteen times.
It is because I love you too much, I didn't want you to be hurt.
I just wanted to share my feelings with others.
You just didn't wanted to.
I should have known.
My big mouth and stuff.
I will keep my mouth shut.
Especially the things you told me.

There are many things which I cannot forget.
The things you told me, your smile and your very clear, sweet voice albeit travelled over few kilometres.

Sad.

2005-08-21T20:57:00.000+08:00

I was thinking about the past.
The past where sadness ended.
----------------------------------------------------
The past when you came into my life.
The past when happiness begun.
Not long after, the happiness ended.
Moments just kept recurring in my mind.

I just can't seem to forget you.
I started so many things because of you.
Guitar, crappy drawings and this blog.

I haven longing to have attention, especially yours.
You just seem to turn a cold shoulder to me.
Maybe I should have stayed at home, playing guitar all day long.

There is one thing I want to do by the end of this year, I hope.
To create a song.
About you and I.
Or at least, play another song.
Or at the very very least, play well at Fine Day.

All I just need is your attention and I am very glad.
I don't know whether if you were taking glances at me.
There are many pretty girls for me to choose.
But I don't want any.
I just want you.
You just mean so much in my life.

People who gave me advices, I turned a deaf ear to them.
But should you tag, I will just listen to you.
I will stare at the tag.
Even it takes years for it to load.
I will wait.
I am willing to.

I'm so blur.

2005-08-20T22:02:00.000+08:00

Today seems nothing.
Had collect newspaper and stuff.
Something happened.
----------------------------------------------------
I was standing.
And you came in front of me, gave me a knock.
Not deliberately I'm sure.
That knock had seem to become a touch.
I suddenly felt so happy.
For a moment.

After dismissal, I saw you for awhile.
Later on, when I don't get to see you.
Every colour start fading.
I had just realised I cannot forget you.
Nor to let you go.
I had just wished you are by my side.

I cannot believe I kept thinking about you.
You look so pretty.
Whatever you wore, you just look nice.

Today, I just can't resist the temptation to take more glimpses of you.
I saw you, with your handphone once again.
Your close friend just told me you don't use your handphone.
But am I seeing things today?
Does today's event explain everything?

I hope not.
Because I have lost you.
And the trust in you.
Not to mention the love and passion in you.

I'm confused.

2005-08-19T20:06:00.000+08:00

Should I be happy or sad?
I am so confused.
----------------------------------------------------
Before English lesson starts, people were giving out newspapers.
There was an extra copy in our row.
You kept the extra copy in between of my partner's copy.
I laughed.
You laughed too.

At that moment of time, I suddenly felt a touch of happiness in my heart.
I realised how much you mean to me.
Without you, I feel so lonely.

Everyday you seem to be so happy all the time.
Should I be happy for you?
Or should I not?
I'm so stupid.
I don't know.
I can't be decisive.
I am so useless.
I can't be compared to you.
You are so intelligent,
beautiful,
and positive.

Which point can I be compared to you?
Nothing.
I suddenly feel that I cannot be compared with you.

I wanna see you.

2005-08-18T20:14:00.000+08:00

I feel so sad.
I know I cannot remain in the top 10.
I am so dead.
----------------------------------------------------
You were on the same bus as I boarded.
Again, you were with your friend.
When I came close to the stairs, you let off a smile of your face.
The smile just reached my heart, which then produced warmth.
But then again, the light, it wasn't there.
I am lost in the darkness.

There is a Malacca and Muar field trip during the holidays.
I wonder will you be there.
I guess not.

Everything just seems to be an illusion.
I have lost you.
I really appreciate the times you spent with me.
The happiness you radiated to me was just indescribable.

Tomorrow is another NCC day.
I hope you will stay back and see us.
However, I am almost used to it.
You don't stay back for funny reasons.
I know you practically stay back for doing projects or having your CCA.
You were really a great girl but I didn't appreciate.
How useless I am.

I will treasure you with care, concern and love should I have the chance again.

No one cares.

2005-08-17T20:42:00.000+08:00

It seems to me like everyone hates me.
I don't know why.
It seems either I communicate less or the people around me communicate less.
----------------------------------------------------
Rest assured I will change some attitude towards everybody.
Less vulgarities, cursing, shouting at people, laughing at people.
I will.

I hope that once I change a better attitude to you, you will communicate with me.
Currently, I don't think that is going to happen.
Everytime I see your face, the power of the lighthouse seems to be back.
But again, I realise I was in a dream.
The boat just keeps floating in the ocean.
Which doesn't seems to have radio or any sign of communication.
Even the lighthouse, doesn't provide any light anymore.
I don't know whether to try and make the radio work.

The ship just floats.
No fuel.
No communication.
There isn't the power to go on any further.
Everything seems so pitched-dark.

The face if you just let me reminisce the precious moments spent with you.
Living in the world of darkness,
I await for the lighthouse to be lighted up again once more.

Just sad.

2005-08-16T14:46:00.000+08:00

I failed my Chinese.
Whatever.
No one asks.
No one care.
No one concerns.
Who is his/her good condition of mental health will ask me how much I scored?
----------------------------------------------------
No one.
You didn't ask for my marks.
Perharps mine are too lousy.
I just suck at exams.

When I got back from dinner, I past by your primary school.
More thoughts of you just came through my mind.
Recurring moments of happiness you had just flowed through my mind.

You boarded the bus.
With your good friends and stuff.
When I was about to walk up the stairs, your friend told me that I should not go up because you were there.
I just didn't want you to see me.
I'm too shameless to face you.
I have no right to care for you, take even a glimpse of you.
Not to mention talking to you.

I am speechless.

2005-08-15T20:12:00.000+08:00

I feel stressed.
So stressed that I feel like dying.
----------------------------------------------------
I see you so happy everyday.
Even though you are being bullied.
I wanted to protect you.
But I don't even stand a chance.
I'm too useless I guess.

Almost everyday, I SMS the same people.
I hope for a change.
Of course, how much I hope is you who is going to SMS me.
But the possiblities are so small.

Although it has been 92 days, I still await your SMS.
Even in my homework, I mention your name.
I know there are some things which aren't meant to be.
But, who hopes his/her life is unmeaningful?

You just seem taking a step away from me day by day.
I remember the times we sat near each other almost every single day in the canteen.
What about now?
It has all changed.
The times of moments with a magnificient girl has all gone.
My dreams has all gone.
It seems to me I have no dreams at all.

You seem to be playing MapleStory everyday, I don't have any inkling though.
And I am here, looking for new games.
What do I actually want?
Attention from you.
The concern.
But, the whole day you seem to be talking about those games.
I just feel so sad.
So depressed.

It all seems like everyone hates me.

I tried.

2005-08-14T21:14:00.000+08:00

I was online the whole day.
Why?
I was wishing for people to talk to me.
----------------------------------------------------
Especially you.
Should I just let you go?
Or should I stick to you like a stain in a wok?
I really don't know.
I'm in a big maze.
I will SMS you once I get all the information I need.
For the time being, I want to try.
Unlike times before, I don't even dare to try.
I really wonder if you are angry at me.
That explains my timidity.
I really cannot face you.
I have no idea.

You seem to be ignoring me.
You just seem to be angry to me.
I don't know.
I really don't know.
I am really confused.
All I can think is you.

I hope I receive a reply if I SMS you.

Everything goes down.

2005-08-13T22:32:00.000+08:00

Everything just goes down.
Everything.
I'm only left with my family and friends.
----------------------------------------------------
What about you?
I lost you.
Forever and ever.
Are we still friends?
I guess not.
I want to let you know my love for you.
But do I stand a chance?
I don't.
Nothing will change.
Nothing.

Even if I move my hands and mouth, will you stand to listen to me?
I suppose I know your character good enough.
You might just leave.
I know, I am so timid.
It takes a lot of courage to take up a lot of courage.
I just can't.
I am so useless.

I just wished you take glimpses of me.
But it won't happen anymore.
I know it won't.
I just wish I have the courage to talk to you again.

I can't believe it.

2005-08-12T20:02:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it.
I just can't believe it.
----------------------------------------------------
I am utterly disappointed and heartbroken.
I don't know whether I can go on with my life.
You tagged in your close friend's blog.
Why didn't you tagged mine?
The link was there.
I guess you just didn't want to tag or even take a glimpse at this blog.

You had three chat logs recorded in my computer.
Three.
Which seems to be the one whom I talk to the most.

I remembered the time when I asked you for your e-mail address during Science lesson.
The paper still remain.
Your nice handwriting is still there.
It is hard to forget you.

There was once I touched your hand.
The feeling, just cannot disappear from my mind.

Now, its all different.
You used to take a lot of glimpses at me.
We used to talk a lot on the phone till last night including weekdays.
But now it has all gone.

You just keep floating in my brain.
I cannot forget you.
I won't nor I will attempt to.